guh

October 25, 2007

as of a few days ago, i’m in need of a hug.

it all began, well, it all began a long time ago (which, without pivoting onto a tangent, makes me think of the err, or question the feasibility of, ethnographic methodologists who claim that reportage’s characteristic of agreeing with participant(s) upon a beginning and end point of an event).

 but to be brief, i’m feeling sorry for myself – like an arsehole. 

i made some decisions that are not by any means fatalistic; just not in line with, or rather facilitatory  (sp?) to, a timeline that i feel pressured to meet.  to make things stupidly more complicated, i feel guilty about knowing better than to try to live up to said expectation.  and of course there are so many other factors influencing the need for expediency and contravening it, purposefully even.

oh but there’s more!  the regrets.  geeze i knew those “live each day” cliches meant something, but i was just so much better at the “delayed gratification” ones. 

lesson: (hmph! as if i’m really going to follow it)

you’ll get there soon enough

remaining problems:

forgetting the things i bypassed in order to get to (eventually) practicing the lesson

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