because i thought: why not extend the agony?

January 8, 2008

i’ve been waiting nearly a month now, for: The Expectant “Break Up” « ignorance could have been bliss

during that time, i rationalized it was the distance and the newness of a maybe “us” that was stagnating things.  but now i’m back and it’s time to see how things will really turn out…

but rather than face what i’d been so impatiently waiting for, i raced out of class quickly.  we arrived separately to class and both of us were late, leaving only two seats beside each other. i avoided all eye contact (save a single glance, in which i tried to read his thoughts quickly, but instead it reiterated why i’m totally smitten with him).

i thought about it, (and while i may be kidding myself), there are 2 possible scenarios:

a) boy had a change of heart about things.  i was going to say about me, but really, that’s not what i think (i’ve been on the otherside of this whole make-ups to break-ups situation).  whatever he choses is ok and what he needs to do.

b) boy isn’t sure what i’ve been up to while on holiday, is reluctant to approach, and waiting for me to say something.

i just want to be the passive one for once though. 

if, on the one hand, it’s scenario a, fine – i just wish he’d say something. 

if, on the other hand, it’s scenario b, fine – i don’t want to put myself out there anymore, it’s his turn.

i guess i’m playing it cool for now… although, when i was playing it cool before, he had no idea i was crushing.  daaaaaah!

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