terrible thursday before ten

January 17, 2008

to begin, i couldn’t sleep last night until around 5 am. it was at this time that i had decided laying in bed was not helping anything and tried to hack away at the excrutiating thick description of yam & bundles exchanges in death ceremonies in the Trobriand islands. of course, this is why i did eventually fall asleep.

during my short slumber, i had a dream about my recent crush. i was at a huge concert and he was the head-banging drum player. there was really no plot, but rather a theme that i derived – duh, he’s still on my mind and represents something that, though i don’t really know much about, i still want for perhaps superficial reasons. i’m not taking back the fact that he’s gorgeous, kind, and smart, in all the ways i like, but i recognize that i didn’t know him all that well. for all our time spent together, that i day dreamed about him (in his presence), we didn’t talk that much (save the times we were shhh’d in the library). i think deep down i like that he said no to me.

upon waking, i submitted a discussion question about the yam exchanges.  but by the time i’d tinkered with it, i was too late to walk to the class for which the professor warned us not to be late. i took the bus for the first time, rather easily, but found it took only 2 minutes less time than walking!

opting to read and have breakfast instead, i slumped my body onto a hard wooden chair in the campus bookstore cafe. it’s only week 2 and my shoulders are terribly sore, despite all the different positions i take when reading, writing, listening, etc. my poppyseed muffin was dry crumble, and not crumbly like a muffin.  bleh.

spur of the moment, i walked home. pointless really. i had thought to pick up a text for my next class, which i now obviously have no time to read for since i’m writing here. also got an email indicating that my discussion question was late – whoops! while walking though, it occurred to me that – wait, yesterday i was thinking that i might like it if my crush was agonizing just a wee bit about his decision btwn me and his ex – anyhow, it occurred to me that’s probably not at all what he’s going through at all, or perhaps he’s just finishing with that. if i’m correct in drawing parallels in my own previous situation(s), then the reality is, he’s having a blast of being in love again. how nice for him. 

i’m not waiting, i’m really not… well maybe i am a bit, but everything else is much too busy to actually be waiting in any sense. but i can’t help: a) checking to see if he’s texted me; b) thinking that after the “being in love again” phase, comes “wtf was i thinking?” and, well… smirking a little, but maybe hoping just a little.

gahhh! i’m going to be late for the next class too!

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