interracial approach to asian women

January 27, 2008

i was recently asked by a black man in Chicago: “do asian women like black men or not?

he continued, “if so, how do you know?” and then quite confidently stated that he knew when white, latina, and black women were interested. (we didn’t get to his reasoning though)

i had a million things to say and to ask, since i’d been wondering something similar myself (i have a good hunch that black men are checking, but not approaching me. causing me to wonder if maybe they think i’m off bounds?).

given that i find race relations to be different in Chicago, as opposed to where i’ve recently lived in toronto, my answer below is very open to others’ opinions – so please, your input is welcome!first, i warned him that the things i told him were based on my own observations – not necessarily local, and certainly generalized. i also cautioned him to be considerate of variation and focus on the individual. then, i told him in no particular order, the following:

  • “asian women” covers a whole wide range of females from many countries – in the UK, “asian” refers to southeast asian (e.g. indian, pakistani, etc.)
    • he said meant “oriental” – i said: NEVER refer to asian women as oriental. an educated AW (from anywhere over there, or born here) will at the very least know about orientalism, the west made up the orient to “other” us. 
      • some AW will take offense too (i don’t, but i will roll my eyes and you’ve revealed yourself as ‘likely someone who has an asian fetish’).
  • general groups of AW:
    • group a: – these AW have ethnic origins in 1 of 3 countries (Korea, Japan, and China (and arguably singapore))
      • they are especially good at sneaking peeks at the opposite sex (it’s partly the eyes, but partly just b/c they’re just good at being inconspicuous)
      • most of these AW are not looking at black men, they tend to date intraracially (amongst these countries) or white men
        • there’s actually studies about this. they consider it “dating up the racial hierarchy” based on stereotypes, fear, ignorance, culture, etc.
      • a few of them are open to black men, but know that you are expected to talk to them, a holla will not work!
      • group b: – these AW have ethnic origins in the phillipines, malaysia, laos, etc.
        • these AW that like black men fashion themselves to give cues
        • garish presentation of economic wealth and social prestige works for all men
        • i’m not sure a holla works here, or if it works anywhere actually
      • he asked: “OK, aside from the AW wearing baby phat and such, how do i know?”
        • eeep! this one is tough, very tough.
        • consider the above, plus: AW and asian men often have seriously platonic relationships that appear as though they are dating (e.g. they eat out together, go to movies, etc). Two AW may also do this – no they are not necessarily lesbian though they’re holding hands.
        • your best bet, and this may sound bizarre, but just talk to her!
          • you should know immediately if she’s scared (i would caution you away from this one).
          • if she’s open to convo, take it slow. during this time you can figure out her as a person and not just an AW and hopefully find out if she’s ‘involved’ with someone (can’t promise this one, you may have to just come out and ask)
      • NEVER say: “i always wanted to date an AW”
        • it may be true and you may be genuinely interested in learning all about asian culture blah blah blah, BUT! for most AW’s it’s the equivalent of saying ‘i always wanted to dominate a quiet, exotic, insert stereotype here’
        • to which he said, “but what if i really am interested in learning – it doesn’t matter if it’s a guy or a girl, i just want to learn?!”
          • first, make some asian dude friends – they might help your game
          • second, i don’t care! pretend if you must! you have to make her believe it’s HER as an individual that matters and not her asian-ness
      • and finally (for now), i recommended that he should watch or read “the Joy Luck Club”, by Amy Tan
        • sure the acting is terrible
        • but the stories within are representative of many of the issues AW face in north america
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      13 Responses to “interracial approach to asian women”


      1. […] 30, 2008 for those interested in my last post about interracial approaches to dating, as it turns out i was trying to reinvent the wheel. […]

      2. Asian woman Says:

        It is common for Asian girls to get married with Black guys.
        We are living in 2008 so getting married with different races is common.
        Thanks for sharing this great article.

      3. just.ness Says:

        @ asian woman:
        I think “common” may be a stretch, though I certainly hope one day it does become less often assumed that people marry intraracially mostly.

      4. Johny Says:

        Interracial couples in Chicago is common. If you live in Georgia, there are more interracial couples between Black men and Asian girls as well as Asian women and White guys. They look fantastic together.

      5. Ann Says:

        Hi.

        Great post. I like your responses to this man’s questions: very patient, and very forthright. Your responses can be said of ALL women: Black, White, Latina, etc. All women want to be treated as individuals and not as generalizations, stereotypes, myths or lies.

        I often wonder if Asian men have much of any interest in black women.

        I do realize with the worship of whiteness, many non-whites would choose a white over a black, never giving a black person a chance, even if the black person is decent and law-abiding, and has high morals.

        As for AW/BM couples being “common”—–where? Not from what I have seen here.

        Especially for black women and men of other races.

        Is it that many Asian men (to your knowledge, and from conversations with them), believe in lies/myths stereotypes about black women—–instead of taking the time to talk to and get to know a black woman as a human being? I realize you cannot speak for all Asian men (Korean, Desi, Laotian, Cambodian, Chinese, etc.), but, I just wonder sometimes if some Asian men think that a black woman is not good enough for them to treat as an equal and as a fellow human being.

        Not seeing many or any AM/BW couples certainly would not compel me to think that Asian men are interested in black women as potential wives. (Sorry, if I am archaic, but, I am not the shacking-up/common-law type of woman).

        What I am trying to say is that, if I do not SEE it, then behaviour gives ramification of beliefs: i.e., actions dpeak louder than words. No AM/BW couples seen can only lead me to believe that more than cultural/traditional concepts and intra-racial marriage is going on.

        I would say that there are more IRs between WM, BM and women of other races, THAN there are between BW and men of toher races. Just a question to you, please:

        Why do YOU think that is so?

        Why is one more likely to see an Asian, Latina, White, Native American woman with men of various races, but, not likely would a person see a Black woman with various men of other races? Do you think that some men of all races have bought into the lies and stereotypes created against black women during slavery/segregation, instead of getting to know the black woman?

        Please, take no offense to my questions.

        I especially liked your suggestion of telling the black man to get to know Asian men. That might help him. But, the bottom line—always let the woman know that it is HER you have an interest in—not some denigrating and insulting stereotype. No woman wants to be treated in that way.

        In the end, he will just have to say “Hello”, and take it from there in getting to know the young woman—be she Black, White, Latina, Native American—-or Asian.

      6. Ann Says:

        @Johny:

        “Interracial couples in Chicago is common.”

        How often do you see BW in IRs with men of other races, since you state that “innterracial couples in Chicago is common”.


      7. […] BLACK WOMEN?  The following post is written in response to a curious blog reader of the post, “interracial approach to asian women” found on this very same blog: ignorance could have been bliss. I opted for a separate posting […]

      8. just.ness Says:

        @ Ann
        I apologize for the delay, but I finally got around to beginning to respond to your questions on the post you may access above.

      9. Dating Says:

        Come on, guys. This modern century accept all interracial couples. So, it is wonderful ti find different races of marriage these days.

      10. Food blogs Says:

        Hrmm that had been unusual, my personal opinion gotten consumed. Anyway Needed to express it’s far excellent to be aware of that will other people additionally brought up the when i got problem searching out the exact same knowledge in other regions. I thought this was the pioneer put which usually explained the remedy. Many thanks.


      11. Iam a African American man and a Buddhist, there is this Asian woman in my Buddhist organization that I have been attacked to for a long time,not Because she’s Asian ,but because she is a beautiful woman and a good Buddhist,iam very attracted to her i really won’t to asks her out but I don’t won’t to go against any Buddhist laws about dating Buddhist woman for I have the upmost respect for Buddhism,I don’t known how to go about asking her out on a date


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