drunk ([e]’n) dating

June 14, 2008

we don’t (necessarily) drink on our dates, but i’m drunk with him.

i realized the second morning that i’d woken up with him, looked in his eyes, and felt as though i had been drinking the night before. turns out he felt the same way – a rush of quickened, blurry, blissful moments the days and nights before: sporadic jumps into the cold lake, long hot walks through a flat city, wine, mussy hair, multiply tangental convos, travel tales, planning, our first “comfortable silence” when both of us wondered if the other was comfortable…

halt. symptoms of addiction. of course, upon my first ‘withdrawal’ today. i realized i didn’t want to do the things we’d planned for the evening if he couldn’t, which he couldn’t – understandably and responsibly, so. i’d been feeling the creeping of my own romantic evasion of responsibility too, but i didn’t care just yet. not too too much.

despite not really wanting to go out, being tired, and feeling guilty about work, i went out anyhow. i felt like i had to; to reassert my independence (or test/prepare my wall). in that moment of recognition, of wanting to stay home, i began to worry about being caught up. but it’s gone now, because the truth is, i actually wanted to stay home with or without him anyhow. still, had fun out with the peeps without him. phew, my fears of “falling” are premature.

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