herpes in dating

January 10, 2010

“i hope you appreciate my predicament,” he said after telling me his herpes story.
i do.

he was gifted with herpes in the last months of a marriage to a woman that he “married for sex”, which was negotiated as an “open relationship” on the conditions of being truthful and safe. apparently the deal was one-sided, since he found out he had herpes just after the divorce and never actually had sex outside the marriage. tragic timing since he was looking forward to sexual escapades to be had.
‘how unfortunate’, i thought. sucker for sex took all the right steps and learned a lesson that will stay with him. however responsible he is in telling me though, i’m still more responsible and was not married to a hussy.

i don’t have herpes.
he says, “there’s other options to have safe sex. please do some research.” and i do.

no kidding, the first thing i find is a story about a man who lost a court case after being paralyzed by herpes. ha! i want to send him the link to the story to share a laugh, but think twice of it. he’s already feeling vulnerable enough being smitten with a chick who he recognizes holds the cards and has just divulged a major dating deal-breaker.

how ever responsible and open i am, and he was while in his marriage, this is what the normal person needs to consider:

– after being infected with herpes, it never goes away. thereafter, anyone with whom you have sexual activity with is at risk of getting it too. condoms help, but don’t provide 100% protection. “sexual activity” does NOT just mean vanilla sex (e.g. heterosexual penis-in-vagina).

actually, rather than write a paper or anything like that here. i’ll just post some good genital herpes resources below.

Sexuality and U – Canadian site that is well maintained and has lots of info for different audiences. Link for genital herpes: http://www.sexualityandu.ca/teens/sti-1-3.aspx. Not much here for talking about it during dating.

HerpesOnline.org – Article on dating with herpes: http://www.herpesonline.org/articles/herpes_dating_info.html.

anyhow, that’s all for now. i feel sorry for the guy and some sort of odd admiration for the civility he has with his ex-wife. i know that he didn’t have to tell me, and that it was hard, but… well, how unfortunate.

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