angry inside

June 19, 2011

i’m not often so, so angry inside. however, when this severe irritability takes hold, i tend self-impose isolation. there’s a violent rage pinging off my insides.

friends have told me that i would benefit from surrounding myself in good company. while that sounds comforting, i can fathom nothing worse than familiarity while in this mood. i worry that i will on the one hand have to act fake or bring another down in my muck, and on the other hand i will unreasonably lash out.

my isolation is less about solitary confinement, and more about away from anyone who might have expectations of me. i prefer loud and crowded anonymity or quiet alone time. please don’t engage me in a conversation. and then i wonder if this is because i’m “faking it” in my daily life. i also question the roots of my inability to show a “weaker” side of myself – is it insecurity, distrust, perfectionism, guilt…?

hopefully i wake up on the right side of the bed tomorrow.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: