it offends me.

“white” is a category in a racial hierarchy. and for the record, in that hierarchy, i happen to be asian.

i disagree with associations of my lifestyle to being “white”, just because i care about issues of race, class, and gender, advocate for those i care about, choose not to strive for gucci, and ride a bike. what about these preferences – ways i consciously choose to live my life – make me “white”? i feel exhausted by being shunned by my supposed community.

despite the interests and activities that i partake in, i cannot remove my skin, my face, my eyes, my history, nor my lenses. i see how you see me, how your eyebrows raise and your lips reveal a slight smile, ‘oh how nice for the community to represent’. it was and is enough to discourage my attendance, to grace my token presence – to allow you the satisfaction of my colourful presence at your ‘cultural event’. i am sick of being asked to represent my supposed community.

because i speak up for issues of equity and will not speak my “mother tongue” when you hang that grimy appropriated carrot, i’m bound by the strings of enlightenment, empowerment, emancipation.

“white” and “asian” are social constructions – we make’em happen through interactions, with real results. but what does this mean for me? makes me think of the catchphrase: “if you can’t beat’em, join’em”. but join who?, and i don’t want to beat anyone… just belong ¬†(boo hoo, i know)¬†with equity.