angry inside

June 19, 2011

i’m not often so, so angry inside. however, when this severe irritability takes hold, i tend self-impose isolation. there’s a violent rage pinging off my insides.

friends have told me that i would benefit from surrounding myself in good company. while that sounds comforting, i can fathom nothing worse than familiarity while in this mood. i worry that i will on the one hand have to act fake or bring another down in my muck, and on the other hand i will unreasonably lash out.

my isolation is less about solitary confinement, and more about away from anyone who might have expectations of me. i prefer loud and crowded anonymity or quiet alone time. please don’t engage me in a conversation. and then i wonder if this is because i’m “faking it” in my daily life. i also question the roots of my inability to show a “weaker” side of myself – is it insecurity, distrust, perfectionism, guilt…?

hopefully i wake up on the right side of the bed tomorrow.


mid-length hair sucks

January 8, 2010

just a mini gripe:

mid-length hair sucks in terms of attractiveness and being able to style or tie-up.

i had the guts to hack my lovely, long, long black hair into a great croppy mess. didn’t even cry. it was such an excellent cut that as it grew back, for five months i liked it.

however it’s at that unfortunate mid-length that there’s nothing to do except hide it under a toque.

speaking of toques; they only look good when your skin is doing the dew. i, unfortunately, am also having a bad skin week :S

at least it grows back quickly. or do i chop it again?!

done mini gripe.

The store formally known as “Dominion” is now called “METRO”. Why and how it occurred, I’m not certain nor do i care (though, i imagine it was some kind of buy-out or take-over). Either way, can I just say, “GOOD! And good riddance”.
Sure living 500m from a 24-hour Dominion is very convenient, especially given my recent living situation in Hyde Park, Chicago, where the only decently stocked store closed down for months! It’s replacement is just as expensive and still, only open until about 10pm.
But before I took a leave of absense to Chicago, shopping at Dominion used to irk me to no end. Everything I went in there, it was like an unfair trade between the convenient location and store hours in exchange for an expensive and limited selection of grocery items. The bright and shiny store sold stuff that just did not satisfy the foodie in me. I mean, duh, thanks for the choice of “red” potatoes at $1.79/lb vs. “white” potatoes at $1.59/lb… Where am I (I can only think of some lonesome gas station store near a camp ground that hikes up its prices because it can)? And the organic section? I don’t want your pre-cut & pre-packaged white button mushrooms at 4.99/6oz! (I miss Hyde Park Produce and farmers’ markets).
Metro? I returned and didn’t even notice the new signage at first, just more stuff. It’s still expensive yes, but at least the selection has expanded extensively, including better bakery breads, decent store-brand items, and a wider choice of everything else. I like that I don’t have to pick from crappy brand A and crappy brand B for things like soy sauce… I’d rather spend the money and get a brand not specifically market to North America (read: overly sweet, salty, and/or fatty) and save the trip to TnT (which I enjoy but there’s perils of shopping there too).

been a bit…

May 11, 2008

that it has. my internet port thingy on my laptop is broken and i’ve only been able to sporadically steal wireless connections.

nothing particularly consolidated to say, but jot notes will allow me to park thoughts till the time comes (or doesn’t).

– governmentality and guilt. is govermentality expressed/visible (partly) via emotions?

– dumb beauties. why is every pretty boy, also pretty inept?

– been hit on by women lately.

– decided i’m moving home. “home” for now, is not home. i’m thrilled! possibilities for the next home away from home include: paris, hk, china,…

– mr.myagi is making my chinese better, but makes me slightly uncomfortable at times with adult comments about sex stuff. but i think it may just be me – never having spoken to an old, chinese, dad-like man about stuff like that.

– my new jacket rocks, but sooooo not worth the extravagent price tag. huff.

– must swim soon, pull out the bike, and get up my running endurance.

– mcTired.

who me, vip?

April 28, 2008

nah! however little i think my blog matters to anyone in the great big internet world, i sometimes get nervous that someone i know is actually reading this. silently, and without commenting, reading this. ahem?

is this paranoia or some sort of narcissistic character flaw? perhaps a bit of both.

but the question is: why should i care if those i know are reading my thoughts i’ve chosen to blab only semi-anonymously to the worldwide web? i guess it’s less those that i actually know that i’m concerned about, but more those people i don’t really know on a personal basis.

signing out with the theme of Jaws omniously playing somewhere afar…

ok. i know i have a problem when…

upon typing in i saw this:

just one day, right?

…and although i had not even logged in, i automatically thought the text was directed at me (she who is still completing a final still outstanding from last term).

[even though it’s april fool’s day… man, this is one joke that i really need to attend to. hopefully by the time it’s done, my final will be too.]

holla holla!

March 21, 2008

yo yo baby you looking so fine! 

mmmmmm mm mph. 

daaaang gurl, can i get me summa dat?

ok fellas, why?

i don’t understand this line of approach or rather is it some verbal rating system that expects no return?

on the one hand, i think it’s likely meant as a compliment.

on the other hand, i think maybe you guys think its i viable method of meeting the ladies.

which is it?

an image of construction workers comes to mind. every time a hottie-beau-body walks by the site, they whistle and she waves her fingers playfully in the air to acknowledge.

sometimes mumbling ‘thanks’ seems appropriate since i was taught to just accept a compliment. but that doesn’t seem right either.

how is one to respond?