i’ve written previously about the meaning of how one thinks of his/her own story, the background information, which they reflect upon and select from towards a sort of presention to others. i considered how such narratives amongst men have tended to assert their self-made-man-liness. the discourse similarly running through their stories was about proving themselves amidst a struggle. 

i also considered my own story and how i used it to project myself in a manner to protect myself.

or this is what i vaguely remember writing about here.

stemming from that discussion, and recent events, i’ve become ever more aware of the ambivalence i had experience in writing this blog over the years. i often checked my statistics, hoping that someone(s) care and read often; but also worry about anonymity. this concern limited what i wrote at times as i wondered, what/if anything they were getting. in particular, when i’d written about dating interracially, the popularity of this posting led me to think about how in-group and out-group readers might perceive my thoughts, and me.

for a while, i tossed around the idea of writing a new, entirely anonymous blog.  but rather, i will just take a new approach to this blog. i don’t like the idea of erasing or discarding the past from which i’ve learned; it’s important and not to be taken-for-granted, even if it no longer centrally defines who i am. after all, the common denominator amongst past posts is me. across, interweaved, and throughout thoses posts, i believe that if one (such, as myself) is so inclined may find a core upon which to grow.

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who me, vip?

April 28, 2008

nah! however little i think my blog matters to anyone in the great big internet world, i sometimes get nervous that someone i know is actually reading this. silently, and without commenting, reading this. ahem?

is this paranoia or some sort of narcissistic character flaw? perhaps a bit of both.

but the question is: why should i care if those i know are reading my thoughts i’ve chosen to blab only semi-anonymously to the worldwide web? i guess it’s less those that i actually know that i’m concerned about, but more those people i don’t really know on a personal basis.

signing out with the theme of Jaws omniously playing somewhere afar…