bad blog

March 18, 2008

look to right —–> over there —->

my bet is that it says my top posts are: 1) interracial dating tips about asian women, 2) overheard at the university of chicago, and 3) about. 

what do all of these have in common? nothing really. except that i’m stubbornly not sticking to “the subject” and my few readers are curious about dating asian women, the university of chicago, and wtf is writing this smack?!

i crave comments, but refuse to take blogging “tips” to be purposefully “punchy” and present some onesided comment invoking post.

somebody please comment before i write something i regret. you know, along the lines of “about dating asian women at the university of chicago”… just to feel a bit like i’m writing a better than bad blog.

i’d appreciate some off-kilter tips for topics or generally anything non-spam 🙂

thanks!

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my 1st blog bash/bully

February 11, 2008

everyone is entitled their own opinion. i almost always feel that if you don’t have something nice to say, then don’t say anything at all (re: bambi or was it thumper?). however, a couple of days ago i happened upon a blog that completely outraged me. i will not be tracking or pinging (or whatever it is) back to it b/c i just don’t think the blogger even deserves it.

basically, an excerpt appeared in my tag surfer along the line that led to a raised eyebrow. something along the lines of:

“chinese girls are so great and all i have to do is sit here at starbucks and they come back to the hotel with me.” 

i was hooked. i clicked. i thought, ‘please tell me this is a freakin joke or there’s some substantive twist’.

on the blog, i finished reading the post that ended with the blogger noting that:

“i can get hot chicks here when nobody at home looks my way”

ok. poorly written. i tried to give this blogger the benefit of the doubt. perhaps, perhaps, he’s pulling some kind of satirical gag. or maybe, maybe he just doesn’t know any better – duh, you’re white, people are going to look when you are in asia. or maybe he’s…

i just wanted to believe that someone so scuzzy wouldn’t be blogging about it.

i then click on his ‘about’ page.

*bleepin* loser is a 60 yr old white male who acknowledges he can’t get any play at home and so is banging and blogging his way through asia.

i can’t even express how frustrated his blog made me. even after trying to forget about it, i was still boiling.

so i graced his blog with another hit and left a harsh comment.  i wrote about his whiteness sticking out and that he should not feel so special. i commented that those women he was taking to the hotel to bang were likely looking for more (e.g. a ticket out, a relationship) and that he was being exploitive. i asked him to consider why if no one at “home” would look at him, why WHY why did he think women in asia would?

surprise surprise, my comment was never cleared.

i know it takes 2 to tango, and those “asian beauties” have a role to play in his asian adventure. i’m frustrated with a lot of things. but i see their situation to be a lot more influenced by structural constraints. let’s not even begin with colonialism and…

call me bias, a bully, a bash, but i’m still bothered by this.

i was recently asked by a black man in Chicago: “do asian women like black men or not?

he continued, “if so, how do you know?” and then quite confidently stated that he knew when white, latina, and black women were interested. (we didn’t get to his reasoning though)

i had a million things to say and to ask, since i’d been wondering something similar myself (i have a good hunch that black men are checking, but not approaching me. causing me to wonder if maybe they think i’m off bounds?).

given that i find race relations to be different in Chicago, as opposed to where i’ve recently lived in toronto, my answer below is very open to others’ opinions – so please, your input is welcome!first, i warned him that the things i told him were based on my own observations – not necessarily local, and certainly generalized. i also cautioned him to be considerate of variation and focus on the individual. then, i told him in no particular order, the following:

  • “asian women” covers a whole wide range of females from many countries – in the UK, “asian” refers to southeast asian (e.g. indian, pakistani, etc.)
    • he said meant “oriental” – i said: NEVER refer to asian women as oriental. an educated AW (from anywhere over there, or born here) will at the very least know about orientalism, the west made up the orient to “other” us. 
      • some AW will take offense too (i don’t, but i will roll my eyes and you’ve revealed yourself as ‘likely someone who has an asian fetish’).
  • general groups of AW:
    • group a: – these AW have ethnic origins in 1 of 3 countries (Korea, Japan, and China (and arguably singapore))
      • they are especially good at sneaking peeks at the opposite sex (it’s partly the eyes, but partly just b/c they’re just good at being inconspicuous)
      • most of these AW are not looking at black men, they tend to date intraracially (amongst these countries) or white men
        • there’s actually studies about this. they consider it “dating up the racial hierarchy” based on stereotypes, fear, ignorance, culture, etc.
      • a few of them are open to black men, but know that you are expected to talk to them, a holla will not work!
      • group b: – these AW have ethnic origins in the phillipines, malaysia, laos, etc.
        • these AW that like black men fashion themselves to give cues
        • garish presentation of economic wealth and social prestige works for all men
        • i’m not sure a holla works here, or if it works anywhere actually
      • he asked: “OK, aside from the AW wearing baby phat and such, how do i know?”
        • eeep! this one is tough, very tough.
        • consider the above, plus: AW and asian men often have seriously platonic relationships that appear as though they are dating (e.g. they eat out together, go to movies, etc). Two AW may also do this – no they are not necessarily lesbian though they’re holding hands.
        • your best bet, and this may sound bizarre, but just talk to her!
          • you should know immediately if she’s scared (i would caution you away from this one).
          • if she’s open to convo, take it slow. during this time you can figure out her as a person and not just an AW and hopefully find out if she’s ‘involved’ with someone (can’t promise this one, you may have to just come out and ask)
      • NEVER say: “i always wanted to date an AW”
        • it may be true and you may be genuinely interested in learning all about asian culture blah blah blah, BUT! for most AW’s it’s the equivalent of saying ‘i always wanted to dominate a quiet, exotic, insert stereotype here’
        • to which he said, “but what if i really am interested in learning – it doesn’t matter if it’s a guy or a girl, i just want to learn?!”
          • first, make some asian dude friends – they might help your game
          • second, i don’t care! pretend if you must! you have to make her believe it’s HER as an individual that matters and not her asian-ness
      • and finally (for now), i recommended that he should watch or read “the Joy Luck Club”, by Amy Tan
        • sure the acting is terrible
        • but the stories within are representative of many of the issues AW face in north america