3 x 3 = values

February 15, 2011

was cleaning the bathroom while listening to CBC this afternoon. guest was a lifecoach based in Ottawa and offered a simplified version of getting to the career that’s you.

have you thought about that? insofar as our work defines us, does your job do a good job of explaining you? totally other topic.

without further adieu, and in my own words, this is what she had to offer:

how to figure out your values:

a) what do you do for play at work? or what could you just keep on doing without feeling the toil-side of that which may be considered “work”. what’s fun? other what doesn’t leave you drained and gives you energy to keep going?

– say you’re a program coordinator at a non-profit organization and your job involves (wow, where do i begin?!) recruiting and training volunteers, developing and designing the project materials, public-speaking, setting up events, researching the latest best practices, writing articles or proposals, monitoring and evaluation, etc. at the end of the week, what might you have no problem taking “away” and fiddling with in your own time? maybe you like tinkering with the decorative features of brochures, or perhaps you like talking to people and getting them interested in your “cause”. pick 3 things.

b) who are 3 people you admire? could be anyone, whether you know her/him personally or not. why or what about those people puts them on a pedestal?

– lemme pick:

my dad because he works so hard and is able to set aside/step over petty bitching to get things done because: a) he loves his family and b) there’s little that he feels that he can change.

my best friend/business partner because she is able to ignore/rationalize her belief system because – for her – it’s the best route to: a) acquire greater financial success and b) make change, from within.

my other best friend because she is ignorant/oblivious to issues that may cause her grief, because: a) she is focused on personal happiness and b) there’s little she can do about it.

this exercise leaves me in a tough spot. i’ll have to come back to it.

c) what did you do for fun as a kid?

– well. given that i had to grow up quick, and that the things i really enjoyed were taken away from me, or were perhaps swayed by praise, i also need to think this one out too.

umm… i liked reading, arts and crafts, and cooking. i still do.

now what? well you’re supposed to go through your list and circle common words. like i said, i have to come back to this, and will soonish.



i was glassy-eyed after a meeting with one of my¬†professors¬†today. i’d arranged to speak with him briefly about¬†the possibility of¬†writing an exploration¬†paper, to be¬†incorporated into my thesis,¬†for his class. to this, he agreed. so far so good.

but, he cautioned:
“i advise you to pick a topic, a population, a question, that you don’t care about”.

that was say february?

fack why didn’t i listen?

the very fact that i get teary and overly sentimental about talking about my potential research subjects should have been enough. red flags! the water-works are literally flowing.

well. chalk it up to experience and, sure enough, it is turning out to be a great learning experience.

now. if it were only for not of a deadline.

guess it’s a good lesson to learn now… lest i become an 11 year doctoral student in the future.

abc’s of attraction

January 30, 2008

for those interested in my¬†last post about interracial approaches to dating, as it turns out i was trying to reinvent the wheel. hrmm… not really, but boys/men who are interested in exploring their options and improving their skills should check out “the ABC’s of attraction“.


check your calendars, because the author of the ABC’s¬†is coming to an area near¬†YOU! yes,¬†YOU too can learn¬†how to mack interracially!

while his video clip (above) is comical and questionable,¬†his ABC’s are at least worth a gander in their abstract form on the website (especially for those of you who don’t realize when and why we keep putting you in the ‘safe’ category).

sound flaky? perhaps. see for yourself and leave me a comment!

dragon lady extinguished

January 13, 2008

having been faded-out, i can only describe my current feelings as disappointment*.

still, i keep thinking that as long as i take the time to reflect on the whole crush-let-down situation, it is a learning experience. 

i know that i must sound like a complete corn-ball – an optimistic baffoon. but i assure you that i have been accused of worse. or rather, in real life – amongst my friends, exes, and family – i am known as the complete opposite. over the long haul, in admiration and in spite, they have told me that i come off as a hard, cynical, dragon lady (a la lucy lui on alley mcbeal).

oddly enough, while they claim to know the real me as a loyal “softie”, i can tell by our conversations about relationships that they think perceive me as having no feelings, being a heart-breaker, and someone who’s been f*cking the world of pretty boys. when i asked where they’d get such an impression, they said, “we just assumed, you know, since you can?!”

the truth is, having been told this for sometime, i began to wonder about certain trends.

indeed, i’d often been accused of being the male in relationships; taking a ‘whatever’ attitude, rarely calling,¬†void of mushiness, and leaving whenever things got (even slightly) difficult.¬†no, i’d never had my heartbroken (save one time, which really is too much to explain here). as for screwing the world, what i used to think were traditional thoughts on the matter of sleeping around, i’ve come to realize are tied to fear of becoming too attached. in all, i allowed unconsciously, yet strategically, persued safe distractions (e.g. work, friends, activities) to avoid getting hurt.¬† i keep thinking of that saying that goes something like: “careful of love, you’ll lose your head”.¬†

i suppose that during the better part of last year i have been doing sorts of social experiments on myself in¬†pushing limits of feelings and delving into uncomfortable situations.¬†on a professional level, this includes moving another country where i know no one, to attend a school that’s highly esteemed – it’s currently rocking my socks. in leisure, i backpacked europe mostly by myself and learned to dine, travel, entertain myself, all by my lonesome¬†– i’ve found i get lonely after about 3 weeks, but i’m ok alone.

in love.¬†well, i wouldn’t call my current situation love at all, rather, a serious investment of¬†my romantic feelings for another person.¬†anyhow, it sucks.¬†still,¬†i’m conscious considering that i must¬†not pile up the bricks around my¬†hole and resume my old habits to avoid hurt.

this lesson, i suppose is long overdue.¬† but, if like the others i’ve learned recently, i will come out of this stronger**.

* disappointment –¬†nothing as superficial as “well, at least it was just a short period of pain”. rather, in him, for not speaking with me about the whole sitch, and in¬†myself, for dwelling¬†much too much on the whole situation.

** stronger – in keeping with my cynical nature though, i do wonder what this strength i’m compiling will amount to.¬†¬†have¬†i been preparing (independence) to be alone?

it was bound to happen.  crush #3 left me in the dust.  

of course it sucks. i had that dreamy, awkward, gooshy feeling. just like grade 10 – 10 years ago, when i had my first 2 crushes. those didn’t work out so well either.

it seems, when i’m really into a dude, it doesn’t work out.

surprise surprise.

my guess is that i come off too strongly, no chase. and while i know how to play the ‘playing hard to get’ game, i’m just gonna be up-front.

yeh, it sucks, but “it don’t take a whole¬†day to recognize sunshine**”.¬† and no hard feelings, i’m just not his sunshine.

(i really hope this works in reverse for me too*)

call it karma, whateves.



October 25, 2007

as of a few days ago, i’m in need of a hug.

it all began, well, it all began a long time ago (which, without pivoting onto a tangent, makes me think of the err, or question the feasibility of,¬†ethnographic methodologists who claim that reportage’s characteristic of agreeing with participant(s) upon a beginning and end point of an event).

¬†but to be brief, i’m feeling sorry for myself –¬†like an arsehole.¬†

i made some decisions that are not by any means fatalistic; just not in line with, or rather facilitatory  (sp?) to, a timeline that i feel pressured to meet.  to make things stupidly more complicated, i feel guilty about knowing better than to try to live up to said expectation.  and of course there are so many other factors influencing the need for expediency and contravening it, purposefully even.

oh but there’s more!¬† the regrets.¬† geeze i knew those “live each day” cliches meant something, but i was just so much better at the “delayed gratification” ones.¬†

lesson: (hmph! as if i’m really going to follow it)

you’ll get there soon enough

remaining problems:

forgetting the things i bypassed in order to get to (eventually) practicing the lesson