interracial approach to asian women

i was recently asked by a black man in Chicago: “do asian women like black men or not?

he continued, “if so, how do you know?” and then quite confidently stated that he knew when white, latina, and black women were interested. (we didn’t get to his reasoning though)

i had a million things to say and to ask, since i’d been wondering something similar myself (i have a good hunch that black men are checking, but not approaching me. causing me to wonder if maybe they think i’m off bounds?).

given that i find race relations to be different in Chicago, as opposed to where i’ve recently lived in toronto, my answer below is very open to others’ opinions – so please, your input is welcome!first, i warned him that the things i told him were based on my own observations – not necessarily local, and certainly generalized. i also cautioned him to be considerate of variation and focus on the individual. then, i told him in no particular order, the following:

• “asian women” covers a whole wide range of females from many countries – in the UK, “asian” refers to southeast asian (e.g. indian, pakistani, etc.)
  • he said meant “oriental” – i said: NEVER refer to asian women as oriental. an educated AW (from anywhere over there, or born here) will at the very least know about orientalism, the west made up the orient to “other” us. 
    • some AW will take offense too (i don’t, but i will roll my eyes and you’ve revealed yourself as ‘likely someone who has an asian fetish’).
• general groups of AW:
  • group a: – these AW have ethnic origins in 1 of 3 countries (Korea, Japan, and China (and arguably singapore))
    • they are especially good at sneaking peeks at the opposite sex (it’s partly the eyes, but partly just b/c they’re just good at being inconspicuous)
    • most of these AW are not looking at black men, they tend to date intraracially (amongst these countries) or white men
      • there’s actually studies about this. they consider it “dating up the racial hierarchy” based on stereotypes, fear, ignorance, culture, etc.
    • a few of them are open to black men, but know that you are expected to talk to them, a holla will not work!
  • group b: – these AW have ethnic origins in the phillipines, malaysia, laos, etc.
    • these AW that like black men fashion themselves to give cues
    • garish presentation of economic wealth and social prestige works for all men
    • i’m not sure a holla works here, or if it works anywhere actually
• he asked: “OK, aside from the AW wearing baby phat and such, how do i know?”
  • eeep! this one is tough, very tough.
  • consider the above, plus: AW and asian men often have seriously platonic relationships that appear as though they are dating (e.g. they eat out together, go to movies, etc). Two AW may also do this – no they are not necessarily lesbian though they’re holding hands.
  • your best bet, and this may sound bizarre, but just talk to her!
    • you should know immediately if she’s scared (i would caution you away from this one).
    • if she’s open to convo, take it slow. during this time you can figure out her as a person and not just an AW and hopefully find out if she’s ‘involved’ with someone (can’t promise this one, you may have to just come out and ask)
• NEVER say: “i always wanted to date an AW”
  • it may be true and you may be genuinely interested in learning all about asian culture blah blah blah, BUT! for most AW’s it’s the equivalent of saying ‘i always wanted to dominate a quiet, exotic, insert stereotype here’
  • to which he said, “but what if i really am interested in learning – it doesn’t matter if it’s a guy or a girl, i just want to learn?!”
    • first, make some asian dude friends – they might help your game
    • second, i don’t care! pretend if you must! you have to make her believe it’s HER as an individual that matters and not her asian-ness
• and finally (for now), i recommended that he should watch or read “the Joy Luck Club”, by Amy Tan
  • sure the acting is terrible
  • but the stories within are representative of many of the issues AW face in north america